My Dating Life: A Comedy of Errors (Starring Me, the Unsuspecting Fool)

My romantic track record looks less like a smooth highway and more like a demolition derby. I'm talking full-on car crashes, fireballs, the whole shebang. And honestly? In hindsight, I should've seen the warning signs. But no, I'm blissfully skipping along, humming a happy tune, until BAM! Ice pick to the heart. Again.

I've been doing this whole dating thing for a while now, and it's been a journey. Think emotional rollercoaster designed by a sadist. The highs? Fleeting. The lows? Well, let's just say I've become intimately acquainted with my couch and a family-sized tub of ice cream. And I've noticed a pattern. A frustrating, soul-crushing pattern. I keep attracting men in their 30s who are fresh out of the closet and still carrying around all that religious baggage like it's a designer handbag.

Let me paint you a picture. My most recent foray into this particular brand of romantic hell involved a guy who, despite having supposedly left his religious upbringing behind, was still very much attached to its apron strings. We're talking post-coital showers together (a seemingly innocent act that screamed "guilt" louder than a televangelist on Sunday morning) and his free time was exclusively dedicated to watching documentaries about the church. Because nothing says "sexy time" like a deep dive into religious doctrine.

But wait, there's more! As his "journey of self-discovery" unfolded, I became less of a boyfriend and more of a prop. He paraded me around like a prize, showing off his "new, improved" self to his friends. It was all about his validation, and I was just along for the ride. Once he got the stamp of approval from his inner circle, guess what? "It's not you, it's me." Classic. Because apparently, I was just a stepping stone on his path to enlightenment.

This, combined with similar experiences, has left me exhausted. I'm tired of being a therapist, a life coach, and a human shield against religious guilt. Dating in your 30s should be about finding a genuine connection, not babysitting someone else's emotional baggage. These men need to sort their own stuff out before dragging someone else into their mess.

So, to all the guys out there who are just coming out: Please, please be honest. Don't use other people as props in your personal drama. Be upfront about your intentions, your struggles, and your expectations. No more vague language or misleading signals. If you're still figuring things out, that's fine! But do it on your own time, with a therapist, maybe, and definitely not on my time.

The dating world shouldn't be a stage for your personal validation project. Let's ditch the religious baggage and find partners who are ready for real, honest connections. Let's find someone who embraces life with clarity, maturity, and an open heart. And maybe, just maybe, I'll finally escape the demolition derby of my dating life. One can only hope, right?